quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
