based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
