I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize