I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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