Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
