I just saw a hot homeless man
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
