2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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