bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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