i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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