Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
