This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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