Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
