only if we run a train.
done.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
