dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
