tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
