Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
