The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
