Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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