Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
