I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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