This girl is more easily done than said...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I want her autograph on my taint
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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