I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
