this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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