I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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