Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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