we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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