Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He passed out mid-signature
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
