also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
