Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
