what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
