Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
