How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
