If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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