From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
