The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can't just leave with hair like that
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
