Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
