his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
