you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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