I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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