I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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