and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
