big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize