....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
