Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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