We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
