Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
