I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
