Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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