Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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