I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
