After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
