I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
