So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
