you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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