Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize