4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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