if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
