i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
