it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
